Last week I was traveling for work, quite wiped out and had diminished functioning. I met one of my SGI friends for dinner. It was a wonderful catch-up, always wonderful to see her. First met her in a training course in 2014 and the friendship keeps going.
Afterwards back at my hotel room, after finishing my chanting, I had an overwhelming urge to call my ex Mike from a relatively short but very emotional relationship, at least for me. Earlier this year I’d told him to never contact me again and he understood I needed the space.
As I was about to call him I prayed that only if this is right for me should he answer the phone, putting all my trust in the Gohonzon. I called him and it rang as though he was overseas, I was about to hang up and then reminded myself to persevere. Soon he answered and it was breaking up and his American accent seemed heavier than usual, I had trouble understanding what he said. I just got that he’s away and in a conference and will talk later. Surprisingly he followed up with a text that he couldn’t hear me but he will try calling me over the weekend when he has a break.
Knowing him, I figured I probably won’t hear back. It crossed my mind a couple of times as I went about my weekend, reminding myself that I’m not sitting around waiting or obsessing about it. He texted me late on Sunday night and I was already in bed and replied to him the next morning saying as much.
Today afternoon while I was at work, in the middle of something he called me again. I had completely forgotten about it and was engrossed. For a moment my heart sank, went into panic, I felt unprepared for his moment. I stepped away from my desk and chanted for a couple of minutes with a sincere desire for his happiness, and nothing else.
I called him back and we talked for over half an hour. The most bizarre thing, when I had the most overwhelming desire to call him, he was in SGI country in Japan. What are the odds of this happening! It didn’t surprise him at all, even though I’m the one practising, he’s more accustomed to synchronicity than I am.
The conversation was good but a bit weird too. When I reflected later, for the things that mattered, he didn’t have many empathetic words of kindness for me. I reminded myself how my focus here was not what he was going to say to me or do for me, it was simply his happiness.
He mentioned that he had been thinking to tell me about the presents I’d mailed him a few months ago that he wore the shirt in the conference and it fit and he thought about telling but wasn’t sure.
I was nervously chatty, or just chatty, as I usually am. Except his silence as usual makes it feel awkward like in a vacuum, like I’m talking too much and he won’t interrupt me so he’d just ignore it and move on almost – such a Sagittarius trait, annoyingly so.
He’s taken a couple of months off from work and traveling around the world to all the places I want to go to. Also training to climb a tall mountain later this year. Looks like he is really finding courage to go after joy and happiness in his own life, such a deep reflection of all my sincere daimoku for him.
I asked him to go to the hall of great vow for kosen-rufu on my behalf and when I sent him the details he mentioned how he had gone past it yesterday or something.
Hope I can build some strength of character and use this deep connection I’d experienced to spread kosen-rufu for the sake of his happiness, to demonstrate it in my character.
How very difficult but necessary. He continues to be my shoten zenjin and I just repay my debt of gratitude to him.
I’ll always have love for him in my heart, and the sadness keeps diminishing everyday. Road to character.
Such is life.