As I was challenging myself towards 3 July, mentor-disciple day in my Nichiren Buddhist practice, things went to hell at work.
The team lead of one of my projects made a remark in a public chat forum on my presentation that I didn’t know what I was talking about and I hadn’t been around in the project in the last six months.
I fought my tendency to react and give him a piece of my mind. Obviously, this also happened just a couple of hours before another big meeting for me. When I confronted him in person with another colleague sitting in as a witness next week, he made further personal attacks e.g. “You play your role in this project only when someone is looking.”, “What have you done in the last 6 months?”, “When you speak up in a meeting, I feel afraid of what you might say.”
Fast forward to this week, many difficult conversations with my manager and HR later, I am no longer supposed to work with this person. Initially, they talked to him and still wanted me to work with him. It took me a while to realise that the situation was not adequately addressed for me. The guy had said later that he had asked me to be removed from the project. I had said I don’t want to work in a project where I am not valued and respected. The management still wanted me to be there anyway. It took all my courage to keep standing up for dignity. Each time I thought they got it but then they didn’t.
Continue reading “Dignity at Work”
In April, I went to the monthly SGI meeting. The general director in his lecture mentioned how when he was stuck in a toxic work environment he started chanting to find the right opportunity that enabled him to use his beliefs, skills and values to contribute to society and kosen-rufu. I realised that my own projects at work were about to end in a couple of months and I didn’t know what I wanted next. I started chanting for this too with a target of 3 July.
A couple of weeks later I received an email from a recruiter at one of the top organisations in my field of work. An organisation I’d applied to before but had only received rejections. This time they were asking me. I setup a call with them and later rescheduled it – I just wasn’t functioning when I got back from India 3 weeks ago.
Finally I spoke to them last week. They said they would like me to apply for a role. I said that I would think about it and get back to them. I expressed my interest on the next day.
In a way, I felt overwhelmed and intimidated at the thought of going through this rigorous process. I thought I was reasonably happy at my job and why would I want to do this. I realised that I need to challenge myself and get out of comfort zone. That when I don’t do this, I end up with other difficult situations because then I’m growing because of problems rather than because of great accomplishment of challenging my tendencies.
Earlier in the year my determination was to use great vision rather than great suffering to show actual proof in my life and advance kosen-rufu.
Now I understand all this but I also feel very lost. I don’t know how to do my best to accomplish this goal and win for the sake of kosen-rufu.
Thinking “aloud” perhaps this is what I need to do next:
- Reply to the email, thank them and tell them when I would provide them with my availability.
- Update my resume
- Apply to the position formally.
- Send my availability for the first round of interviews
- Look at the interview prep resources and start making some notes so it is easier for me to revise later.
This is the first hash. For now, I am in a plane and don’t have access to the Internet.
Soon I will and I will aim to do item no. 1 today.
There, now I feel a bit ok… I can only focus on what I can do today, tomorrow will be another day.
Last Sunday I went to the SGI General Director’s lecture. He spoke about his work situation, how last year he found himself in an increasingly toxic work environment with rampant bullying and back-stabbing. He started to pray to somehow be able to use his beliefs, abilities and values to contribute at work in the best way, somehow, whether it was this job or another one.
Continue reading “Changing My Work Environment”
Earlier this week I went to a new group meeting. A new member, a young woman, was asking questions about how she wants to grow in her career and finds that she’s stagnated in her current job in what she can learn and where she can go. She had been praying to find a new job but hadn’t found it yet, how should she pray about it.
Her words and attitude reminded me of my old self – that saw a ladder to be climbed and how I had a path in my mind and if my life or my career didn’t match that path, I was somehow not doing my best or failing.
No, I didn’t burst her bubble. I tried to relate from my own experience. I saw she was stuck in the mindset of what the job is giving her rather than what she is contributing.
This conversation flowed into a self-reflection for me. I realised that I had not been praying about my job situation. When I asked myself whether I was able to contribute from my best self and whether I was expanding my contribution in the best way, or had I become complacent and was going along with the status quo? Funnily enough all of this coincided with events at work.